Monday’s are the hardest. Sometimes I feel like I’m battling depression, other days I feel like it’s the baby just getting the best of me. It’s really rough for me because I was expecting this to be a great experience. I’ve had migraines for the past seven or more years that I thought were related to my menstrual cycle. Now I’m not having my cycle but I still have the migraines, if anything they are more frequent. I really hate it because I’m always sick, I feel like no matter what I do nothing changes. There is no relief from these migraines. The worst thing about it is it seems like no one cares, nothing stops because I’m not feeling well. I just have to put on my big girl pants and suck it up. I’ve had to start journaling to keep my mind off how miserable I am. My brother asked me why I’m always sick the other day, and even my man has commented on me always being sick. It’s honestly one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life and I’m miserable I’m thinking about going to counseling.
Now that I’m late in my second trimester I feel so much better. I’m ALIVE! I no longer am experiencing migranes and the constant need to vomit has passed. I no longer feel sick or want to slap every person around me that is having a good day. I didn’t end up going to counseling, but I do think the journaling really helped me. I’d say that journaling has been my saving grace, as well as reading other mommy blogs. I truly believe that I was depressed early in my pregnancy because of a lot of things, but mainly being away from my man, being sick, worrying about money, and taking time off work when I just started my job. One thing I’ve had to constantly tell myself is that everything is going to be okay. I have a lot of support from my man and our families. One thing I will say is don’t take those feelings of depression lightly. There is a stigma with the word depression, but don’t be afraid to admit that something is wrong and please don’t be afraid to seek help. We all fight our own demons and deal with some form of depression in our lives. You’d be amazed at the amount of people who can relate to what you are going through, and the amount of resources and peoople that are out there to help.
Right about now I’m really beginning to feel pregnant and experience some of the symptoms that go along with pregnancy. I only have about a month and a half to go and I’m feeling it. I took a weekend trip to the beach and did a lot of walking and not enough drinking and it caused my hands and feet to swell. My hands were tingling and so swollen that it hurt to hold a pen. I couldn’t feel my feet and literally felt like I was walking on ankles. To reduce the swelling I put my feet up and made sure I relaxed and drank a lot of water. Thankfully I haven’t had that problem again. In the grand scheme of things I’m doing really well. Other than being in a constant state of anxiety. I’m just having doubts about my capabilities as a mother, the birthing process, and I’m worrying about taking time off work, money, being able to spend time with my baby, breastfeeding, putting my baby in daycare, and my man having enough time to spend with us.
We currently have 27 days to go and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I can’t wait to see her beautiful face and see how proud her dad is. I’m nervous and absolutely terrified about the birthing process, but I thank God for the support system I have. Thankfully I haven’t had too many issues and the feet swelling is a rare occurrence and for the most part I feel pretty good. I have gotten to the point where some of her movements literally hurt and I just rub on her and talk to her and that helps, but I’m ready for baby girl to get evicted. The most painful, well more so annoying thing is the pressure I feel under my breast. I’m guessing I feel some part of her applying pressure there and it makes me out of breath and makes me not want to wear a bra, which unfortunately is not an option. All in all though baby girl and I are healthy and happy!
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