Episode One: Back to Work
I’ve never known a love so beautiful and fulfilling. As my little girl continues to grow I feel like my love for her grows. I constantly joke with my mom saying, “Is this how you feel when you see me?” I’m sure you never stop loving your children, but I do believe the love you feel for them probably changes over the years. I pray that it just continues to grow.
Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy my time with my little one because they grow up so fast. I’m already starting to feel like that is so true even though baby girl is only 10 weeks. Some days I want to stop time so I can soak up every moment with my sweet baby Scarlett. She has already started to scoot around on her back and stomach and even tries to roll over. She’s outgrown her clothes and is wearing 6 month outfits. I want time to stop or slow down so I can soak up every moment with her. I just pray I get to be there for as many of these changes as I can.
Each day my little princess seems to do something new that amazes me. She’s perfect in every way and I feel like she’s growing up so fast. That’s probably why I feel so guilty when I have to leave her to go to work. As she grows and learns more I hope that she knows how much I love her and that I would sacrifice anything for her. I thank my Heavenly Father for her daily.
The guilt I’ve felt daily having to leave Scarlett is something I’ve never felt. I never thought that motherhood would come with so much guilt. Right now I’m more fatigue than I’ve ever been in my life and I’m an emotional wreck. This morning I had to fight back tears of sheer exhaustion and guilt. I didn’t want to come into work; I wanted to sleep and most importantly I wanted to be with my baby girl. I’m on my fourth day of having to be away from her for ten hours and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. I’m sure much of the emotions I feel have to do with the sheer exhaustion I feel, but I’m doing my best to push through.
Patience. That’s my word for the rest of the month. I just have to remember to have patience with this new journey. My family has grown and there are going to be some growing pains. I just have to start each day with a positive outlook, seeing as Scarlett is a morning baby and is always smiling at me that’s not hard. I make sure I love on her and bond with her as much as I can when I’m with her.