A Tribute to My Father

A Message to My Baby’s Father

I cannot stress enough the importance of having a father in your child’s life. I often feel like I hear people say a women can’t raise a man, or boys need their fathers. In many ways there is truth to that but I’d argue that fathers are equally as important in their daughters lives. My Father is the first man I ever loved and was the first man to love me. My Father loved me long before I even loved myself or could comprehend what love was. My Father showed me how a man is suppose to treat a woman; and I don’t mean wining and dinning a woman. What my Father showed me is far more important then that. He showed me how a man is suppose to respect a woman, love a woman, provide for a woman and their children. My Father made sure we had what we needed, not wanted. I have few memories of him being ideal or allowing the weight/stress of family life to lie solely on my Mother’s shoulders. At an early age he ingrained in me values, skills, and principles that I carry with me until this day.

I wouldn’t say a woman chooses a man based on the type of man her Father was/is, but he definitely plays a part.

I’ve never met a man with my Fathers even temperament, work ethic, knowledge, and genuine love and respect for the people around him. My Father is by no means super affectionate, but he’s there when you need a shoulder to cry on, when your boyfriends been cheating with Keisha from around the corner, or when the weight of the world seems to be tearing you down. In my life seeing how my Father treats me and responds to me has made me more aware of how my Heavenly Father feels about us, loves us, and wants to see us prosper.

I say all that to say Fathers never stop loving your daughters! Even if they marry the man you said was no good, or have a baby with the man you told them would break their heart. As a parent I don’t think you ever really know the impact you have on your child’s life, but I have to say love and emotional support help your child be able to face all of life’s obstacles. I can distinctively remember one particular time in my life where my Father came through in a major way. Not to get too personal there was a time in my life (really one of many-once you learn to love yourself they decrease) when I made some bad decisions. I felt alone, depressed, suicidal, and a plethora of other emotions. By the time I took it to my parents I was at my wits end.

Moms are so in tune with their children that my mom knew right away what was going on and when I finally broke down gave me an emotional response. (As child I don’t think we realize that the decisions we make often affect our parents. I recommend reading Stormie Omartian book, “The Power or Praying for Your Adult Children. That book really gives you some insight into what parents go through.) I’m not sure what my mom said to my Father or what his first words were but I do remember him holding me and letting me cry and telling me everything was going to be all right. That is a moment that has really stood out to me. There was no judgement, no harsh words, just unconditional love.

Thank God for both my parents because they balance each other. What I get from my Father my Mother could never give and vice versus.

I say all that to say to my unborn child’s Father, you are going to play the biggest role in your little girls life. She’s going to see how a man should treat a women through you. You will be the first man she loves and you will be the first man to show her unconditional love. That is a huge task, a task I feel comes naturally to most women, but something a man has to work towards daily and has to pray to God to help him perform right. She’s going to look at you and want to imitate you! She’s going to pick up on your words, your actions, and your speech. May God give you the strength and wisdom you need! ♥️

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart

7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

New Mom Chronicles

Episode One: Back to Work

I’ve never known a love so beautiful and fulfilling. As my little girl continues to grow I feel like my love for her grows. I constantly joke with my mom saying, “Is this how you feel when you see me?” I’m sure you never stop loving your children, but I do believe the love you feel for them probably changes over the years. I pray that it just continues to grow.

This is love!

Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy my time with my little one because they grow up so fast. I’m already starting to feel like that is so true even though baby girl is only 10 weeks. Some days I want to stop time so I can soak up every moment with my sweet baby Scarlett. She has already started to scoot around on her back and stomach and even tries to roll over. She’s outgrown her clothes and is wearing 6 month outfits. I want time to stop or slow down so I can soak up every moment with her. I just pray I get to be there for as many of these changes as I can.

Each day my little princess seems to do something new that amazes me. She’s perfect in every way and I feel like she’s growing up so fast. That’s probably why I feel so guilty when I have to leave her to go to work. As she grows and learns more I hope that she knows how much I love her and that I would sacrifice anything for her. I thank my Heavenly Father for her daily.

The guilt I’ve felt daily having to leave Scarlett is something I’ve never felt. I never thought that motherhood would come with so much guilt. Right now I’m more fatigue than I’ve ever been in my life and I’m an emotional wreck. This morning I had to fight back tears of sheer exhaustion and guilt. I didn’t want to come into work; I wanted to sleep and most importantly I wanted to be with my baby girl. I’m on my fourth day of having to be away from her for ten hours and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. I’m sure much of the emotions I feel have to do with the sheer exhaustion I feel, but I’m doing my best to push through.

Patience. That’s my word for the rest of the month. I just have to remember to have patience with this new journey. My family has grown and there are going to be some growing pains. I just have to start each day with a positive outlook, seeing as Scarlett is a morning baby and is always smiling at me that’s not hard. I make sure I love on her and bond with her as much as I can when I’m with her.

XOXO

Pregnancy Update

First Trimester

Monday’s are the hardest. Sometimes I feel like I’m battling depression, other days I feel like it’s the baby just getting the best of me. It’s really rough for me because I was expecting this to be a great experience. I’ve had migraines for the past seven or more years that I thought were related to my menstrual cycle. Now I’m not having my cycle but I still have the migraines, if anything they are more frequent. I really hate it because I’m always sick, I feel like no matter what I do nothing changes. There is no relief from these migraines. The worst thing about it is it seems like no one cares, nothing stops because I’m not feeling well. I just have to put on my big girl pants and suck it up. I’ve had to start journaling to keep my mind off how miserable I am. My brother asked me why I’m always sick the other day, and even my man has commented on me always being sick. It’s honestly one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life and I’m miserable I’m thinking about going to counseling.

Second Trimester

Now that I’m late in my second trimester I feel so much better. I’m ALIVE! I no longer am experiencing migranes and the constant need to vomit has passed. I no longer feel sick or want to slap every person around me that is having a good day. I didn’t end up going to counseling, but I do think the journaling really helped me. I’d say that journaling has been my saving grace, as well as reading other mommy blogs. I truly believe that I was depressed early in my pregnancy because of a lot of things, but mainly being away from my man, being sick, worrying about money, and taking time off work when I just started my job. One thing I’ve had to constantly tell myself is that everything is going to be okay. I have a lot of support from my man and our families. One thing I will say is don’t take those feelings of depression lightly. There is a stigma with the word depression, but don’t be afraid to admit that something is wrong and please don’t be afraid to seek help. We all fight our own demons and deal with some form of depression in our lives. You’d be amazed at the amount of people who can relate to what you are going through, and the amount of resources and peoople that are out there to help.

Third Trimester

Right about now I’m really beginning to feel pregnant and experience some of the symptoms that go along with pregnancy. I only have about a month and a half to go and I’m feeling it. I took a weekend trip to the beach and did a lot of walking and not enough drinking and it caused my hands and feet to swell. My hands were tingling and so swollen that it hurt to hold a pen. I couldn’t feel my feet and literally felt like I was walking on ankles. To reduce the swelling I put my feet up and made sure I relaxed and drank a lot of water. Thankfully I haven’t had that problem again. In the grand scheme of things I’m doing really well. Other than being in a constant state of anxiety. I’m just having doubts about my capabilities as a mother, the birthing process, and I’m worrying about taking time off work, money, being able to spend time with my baby, breastfeeding, putting my baby in daycare, and my man having enough time to spend with us.

We currently have 27 days to go and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I can’t wait to see her beautiful face and see how proud her dad is. I’m nervous and absolutely terrified about the birthing process, but I thank God for the support system I have. Thankfully I haven’t had too many issues and the feet swelling is a rare occurrence and for the most part I feel pretty good. I have gotten to the point where some of her movements literally hurt and I just rub on her and talk to her and that helps, but I’m ready for baby girl to get evicted. The most painful, well more so annoying thing is the pressure I feel under my breast. I’m guessing I feel some part of her applying pressure there and it makes me out of breath and makes me not want to wear a bra, which unfortunately is not an option. All in all though baby girl and I are healthy and happy!

Click through some of my other post while you’re here! ♥️

My Number One Pregnancy Must Have

Nipple Cream

www.eraorganics.com/products/organic-nipple-cream

I could honestly write a book on the need for some type of nipple cream while pregnant! Before I even found out I was pregnant I noticed that my breast were growing and becoming more irritated and itchy. Once the pregnancy was confirmed my breast continued to grow at an alarmingly fast rate. The fast rate at which my breast grew only amplified the amount of itching and irritation I felt. I can distinctly remember one morning in my first trimester going to my mom and crying like a baby. It was one of those cries that comes from the soul, with snot dripping out my nose (come on now you know what I’m talking about). I was in so much pain my breast were bleeding, yes bleeding! They hurt so bad I just wanted to rip them off my chest. Needless to say Ma Dukes was not for the drama (or snot). So I called Chris (baby daddy) and told him about it. After a quick google search he told me to try Lansinoh, which is 100% Lanolin. I would say Lanolin is the consistency of Vaseline, but is obviously better for you than rubbing petroleum jelly on your breast. Lansinoh provided temporary relief but it wasn’t quite doing the job. One thing I will say is that it worked better than the all-natural coconut oil and shea butter I was trying previously. Ladies please note that Lansinoh will ruin your clothes by giving them grease stains.

Here’s What Really Worked

Moisturize your breast prior to showering. I had to slather my breast with lanolin prior to showering. I tried other things like all natural olive oil, cocoa butter, coconut oil, and shea butter, but the consistency of the lanolin worked best. The Mama Mia Keep Calm Nipple Balm works as well.

Stop taking hot showers! This one is kind of a no brainer, but it took me a while to realized that my hot showers were drying out my breast. Hot water dries out and further irritates dry skin (duh).

Use sensitive skin soap. I noticed that my breast were the most irritated after I showered, so I figured my soap had something to do with that. The soap that I found works best is Dove Sensitive Skin.

Moisturize your breast after you shower. While your skin is stretching and expanding it is so important to keep it moisturized. After I shower I like to use a Nipple Balm or Cream. I sometimes will use the Mama Mia Keep Calm Nipple Balm, but I prefer Era Organics Healing Balm Extra Soothing & Moisturizing, Era Organics Honeybuns Mommy Balm, or Motherlove Nipple Cream.

Use nursing pads. If I feel like I am about to have a really bad flare up I will saturate my breast with a mixture of lanolin and healing balm and cover them with the nursing pads.

Let your breast breathe. If you don’t have anywhere to go I recommend letting your breast get some air. Not having clothes or a bra rub against them really helps. Just apply some balm or cream and be free baby!

https://www.eraorganics.com/products/natural-baby-balm

Products Mentioned:

Lansinoh HPA Lanolin, Mother Love Nipple Cream*, Mama Mia Keep Calm Nipple Balm, Era Organics Honeybuns Mommy Balm*, Era Organics Healing Balm Extra Soothing & Moisturizing*

* These products are USDA Organic Certified

Please note photos taken directly from @eraorganics