True health starts within. People often discount the mind body connection; to be truly healthy and happy you have to take care of your mental health. My mental health journey began when I was 6 months postpartum.
Postpartum depression for me involved having a lot of anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings, crying spells, and a disinterest in life. My career no longer appealed to me. I hated getting up for work every morning and had little to no focus. I can remember being in the shower on one occasion and my little one walks in the bathroom in her walker and just sits there and screams and cries at the top of her lungs. I think that is one of the lowest points I’ve had as a new mom. I leaned my head on the shower wall and cried as well. I cried because I wanted to be away from her, cried because I felt bad for feeling that way. I cried because her father wasn’t there and because I just wanted to leave this earth. I’ve never had suicidal thoughts but I have had thoughts of feeling like I’d be better off if I wasn’t here or if I never had her. It hurts to say that because she my biggest blessing and greatest achievement. I just struggled with feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, irritability, shame, and guilt. At times I still struggle with these feelings.
Postpartum depression is the main reason I decided to go to therapy. In the short clip below I elaborate on why I go to therapy.